The story of the fight: Valuev punches and misses. Photograph: Alex Grimm/Bongarts/Getty Images
Preamble: So after weeks of trash-talking and slick, lowest-common-denominator pay-per-view marketing, we're about to find out whether David can slay Goliath. The tale of the tape has been well-told: Nikolai Valuev, the WBA heavyweight champion, is nine inches bigger, seven stone heavier and has an eight-inch reach advantage over his opponent David Haye, who has only had two heavyweight fights thus far in his career. Haye was a strong favourite when the fight was announced, but Valuev has been backed heavily in recent days and now most bookies can't split the pair. My money is on Haye - I think he'll be too quick - but with doubts over his stamina, a small bet on Valuev to win in rounds 10-12 at 14-1 might be also worth taking.
9.10pm: Adam Booth, Haye's trainer and manager, says the mood in the camp is "calm". Asked for a prediction, he adds: "We know the challenge ahead and David is supremely confident he is going to knock Valuev out."
9.15pm: We've been told to expect the ringwalk to begin at 9.45pm, with the fight starting at 10pm.
9.25pm: So what strategy should Haye employ? For weeks he's been talking like a brash gunslinger, claiming he's planning to knock Valuev out, but surely it makes more sense to take his cue from Evander Holyfield who - aged 46 - came very close to beating Valuev by launching short, sustained attacks and then dancing out of the Russian's reach.
9.35pm: The danger for Haye is that, if he starts out too fast he might run out of juice, just like he did when he was dominating before beingknocked out by Carl Thompson. But that was five years' ago. Having interviewed Haye twice - the first time for this Observer feature - I think he's matured. If he fights smart he can win, although there are legitimate doubts about his stamina and, naturally, how his chin will react to be clubbed by a 22-stone Russian.
9.40pm: Sky have just shown John Ruiz, who in the pantheon of heavyweights is sub Pinklon Thomas standard, win his fight on the undercard in seven rounds. He's scheduled to fight the winner of the main event. Speaking of the undercard, this from Tom Pearson. "Been an utterly wearisome undercard tonight. All dull as dishwater. Very poor. Hoping the main event is epic."
9.45pm: More emails. "Isn't the old wisdom that a good little one will always lose to a good big one?" says Gary Naylor. "Haye is good, but how good is Valuev? Probably better than we think - I'm going with Valuev." You're right about the old adage, but it doesn't always hold. Just look at how Pacquiao destroyed De la Hoya last year. I've seen a dozen of Valuev fights - Eurosport would often show him before he became world champion - and I've never been impressed with his skills. Haye has the superior ability, amateur pedigree and speed - the big questions are: how will he cope with Valuev's size and how ring-rusty will he be after fighting just seven rounds in two years?
9.48pm: Not long now before David Haye's ring entrance. A few Millwall fans are singing "In-ger-land! In-ger-land!" but otherwise the crowd seems fairly calm. Meanwhile this from Gary Naylor. "I'm always sceptical when pundits claim that all a fighter needs to do is to fight smart," he says. "Given the adrenaline required simply to stand up in the ring, very, very few can conquer their emotions sufficiently to fight smart. Even the best have been caught up in the moment and fought on their opponent's terms. And if Haye fights on Valuev's terms, surely he loses?" Having spent a fair amount of time with professional boxers, including before fights, I think you're very wrong on this, Gary. Of course adrenaline plays a part. Of course fighters don't always fight smart. But most boxers learn to control their emotions. If adrenaline was that powerful how would elite soldiers carry out any missions?
9.50pm: "Let's get this party started!" announces Michael Buffer in English moments before Haye, wearing a red Hayemaker T-shirt and Union Jack shorts, begins his walk to the ring. My he looks focused.
9.53pm: With Haye now in the ring, Buffer takes the microphone to announce: "And accompanied by a live performance of Sunrise Avenue ... making his way to the ring, Nikolai Valuev." We're now into the second verse and there's no sign of Valuev. They're going to keep Haye waiting.
9.55pm: Valuev, wearing a black and gold dressing gown, finally begins his ring walk. "Having never seen Valuev fight, has anyone seen whether his chin has ever been properly tested?" asks Phil Sawyer. "I agree that Haye's best tactic is movement, but was just wondering what could happen if he gets a good one on Valuev's chin. All the best to Haye tonight - have been watching him for a few years and it makes a change for mates not to be saying 'David Who'?" I've never seen Valuev in deep trouble, although it's also fair to say that this is such a dire era for heavyweights (the Klitschkos' apart) he's not been tested by a really big puncher.
9.58pm: More Buffer. "At this time, we shall respect the homelands of both fighters with the national anthems." God Save the Queen is observed in respectful silence by the German supporters and sung lustily by Haye's fans. There is the odd initial boo for the Russian anthem but then that too is well observed.
9.59pm: "Ladies and gentleman, mein damen und mein herren, welcome to the main event of the evening ... and for the thousands in attendance, and the millions watching around the world, let's get ready to ruumbbblle!" Michael Buffer stokes the crowd up - as only he can - before outling the fighters' records. Haye, despite suggestions beforehand to the contrary, gets loud applause. Valuev, meanwhile, is booed by the English fans.
10pm: We're ready to go. Meanwhile this from Mark Taylor: "Germany has a bad reputation for backing the house fighter, as much as I'd like Haye to win I can't see it really. He surely won't knock Valuev out, and despite Valuev being outboxed by Evander Holyfield he still won on points, if Haye can match that he will certainly be in with a shout but I think the big dude will win via the judges' scorecards, they absolutely love him there. I just hope it's a good fight." I agree with you about the scoring; I'll be taking into account the home-town bias with my round-by-round verdicts.
Round one: It's a cautious start from Haye, who is content to dance round the ropes, trying not to get involved, watching and moving. I know it's Stating The Obvious 101 but the size difference between the two fighters is even more apparent in the ring: Haye will surely burn up a lot of nervous energy just constantly bouncing back off the ropes. Valuev is doing all the pressing, but not much of his punches are landing. Haye lands one good bodyshot but then is caught by a counter. Scoring rounds level is highly discouraged by the sanctioning bodies so I'd imagine Valuev will probably win the round by virtue of coming forward.
Guardian unofficial score: Haye 9-10 Valuev
Round two: There were few punches landed in the first, and round two follows a similar pattern, with Haye content to frustrate Valuev, show him one way and then dance the other. He isn't able to land much leather until a cracking right hand slightly shakes Valuev with 15 seconds left of the round. It wasn't a lot, but it might have been enough to shade the round.
Guardian unofficial score: Haye 10-9 Valuev
Round three: This fight is already mightily difficult to score. Valuev is pawing out the jab - paw, paw, paw - single shots that Haye can see coming, and single shots that are mostly missing. But he is coming forward. Haye, meanwhile, is spending large periods of each round sliding this way and that on the back foot, before landing the odd big shot. So do you go with Valuev's aggression, or Haye's accuracy? That round I'm with Haye.
Guardian unofficial score: Haye 10-9 Valuev
Round four: "There's more aggression and better dancing on Strictly than this," sighs Stuart Bingham. Perhaps Stuart. But I think Haye is fighting a smart fight. Remember he's boxing a man seven stone bigger than him, and his plan has to be to try and frustrate Valuev, perhaps open his defences, and then try and pounce. Valuev came a bit closer to trapping Haye in the corner that round, without success, but another change in tactics - the jab to the body - was much more successful for the Russian.
Guardian unofficial score: Haye 9-10 Valuev
Round five: And so it continues: Valuev stalking, Haye avoiding. "Does this remind anyone else of that scene from Monty Python's Life of Brian when the guy runs around the ampitheatre trying to keep away from the gladiator?" asks David Simpson. Valuev's jab is getting more accurate, and he put a block of punches together that - although blocked by Haye - did wobble him slightly. Haye is continuing to fight in bursts but in my mind he's not throwing enough punches and he's beginning to breathe a bit heavier too. But you could have easily scored the last two rounds 10-10.
Guardian unofficial score: Haye 9-10 Valuev
Round six: "I'm sitting here conjuring up a mental picture of Laurel & Hardy and their prize fight," says Angus from New Zealand. "Did Haye remember the iron weights in his glove?" There's no sign of it yet, Angus, although he did land a good left hook with a minute to go in the round. Haye has landed more power punches, but Valuev is coming forward and throwing more jabs. I doubt Haye has thrown more than 15 punches a round, but his corner still seem incredibly confident. Adam Booth has just told him "don't get drunk on the success you've had" which seems remarkably bold seeing as Haye is fighting in Valuev's backyard and is going to get no favours from the judges.
Guardian unofficial score: Haye 9-10 Valuev
Round seven: "Isn't Haye's problem that his best tactic is to avoid being hit, but no fighter has been awarded a world title by judges because they avoided being hit," says Gary Naylor, echoing the thoughts of many. "Haye has to carry the fight now - he is the challenger." True. As I mentioned earlier this is a very difficult fight to judge. Valuev is throwing but mostly missing - although he did catch Haye with a swift right-hand counter there; Haye reminds me of a brilliant circus performer who invites crowd members to try and hit him, and makes them miss, but doesn't fire back. I just fear that Haye isn't throwing enough punches and the home-town bias might kick in.
Guardian unofficial score: Haye 9-10 Valuev
Round eight: The bookies now make Valuev 4-11 to win the fight with Haye the 2-1 outsider. But that was a better round for Haye, who got inside Valuev's jab two or three times, and landed. Still, the fact remains that this remains an intriguing, rather than the all-fists-flying encounter that Haye promised. "The winner of this fight? MMA," says Colm Heaney.
Guardian unofficial score: Haye 10-9 Valuev
Round nine: Valuev was breathing a little heavier between rounds; Haye, meanwhile, still looks fresh and surprised Valuev - and the rest of us, I suspect - by landing with a three-punch burst. But there was very little else of note in that round. So when you score this do you go with Haye's success and defensive skill or Valuev's aggression? For me Haye won that round but the judges may disagree.
Guardian unofficial score: Haye 10-9 Valuev
Round ten: "This is pish, I'm off to watch Audley Harrison's greatest fights on DVD," says Richard Jones. I think that's harsh, Richard. Valuev is much the bigger man, so it would have been foolish for Haye to go Saturday Night swinging. I agree Haye should be doing more but, as I suggested earlier, anyone who bought into the Sky hype of this being an action-fest was always likely to be disappointed. It's another difficult round to score, but Valuev definitely got close enough to land more punches than in previous rounds. Again Adam Booth, in Haye's corner, is mightily confident. "He's going to get desperate," he tells his fighter.
Guardian unofficial score: Haye 10-10 Valuev
Round eleven: Again the pattern continues, like a boxing Groundhog Day: Haye slipping and sliding and occasionally punching, Valuev pawing and mostly missing. Valuev attempts to pull Haye into a clinch, but is unsuccessful - amazingly there has not been a single clinch in this fight so far. I would love to see the stats for punches landed. I'd be amazed if either fighter had made more than 10 successful punches in a round. That one they probably landed about two punches each.
Guardian unofficial score: Haye 10-10 Valuev
Round twelve: Haye continues to stick to the plan of dancing and evading. He's rarely launched his Hayemaker, or the heavy-handed bursts that won him the cruiserweight title, but then with a minute to go he lands a series of cluster bombs that have Valuev rocking. There's 30 seconds left in the round but Haye doesn't see the need to press his advantage because he thinks he is winning ... as the bell rings, Haye holds his hands up in triumph. But will the judges agree?
Guardian unofficial score: Haye 10-9 Valuev
So which way will it go? I have it level, but I was basing it on how I thought the judges, away from home, would score it. But so many of the rounds had very little scoring shots that it could easily go either way. "Listening to Radio Five Live, Ritchie Woodhall, Steve Bunce and the commentator all have Haye ahead (Bunce by four rounds) on the basis of cleaner shots and better boxing," says Patrick Foyle. That's interesting Patrick; it's one thing seeing a fight on TV, quite another when you're ringside and you can see which punches are landing and which are being deflected. We're about to find out ...
HAYE WINS One judge made it a 114-114 draw, the other two gave it to Haye by 116-112. To huge cheers, Haye picks up the belt and points to the sky. He's going to be a big, big star. He's good looking, likeable, and in a division devoid of talent is going to make a lot of money.
11pm Haye is speaking to the TV stations. "Today is a dream come true," he says. "I damaged my right hand in the second or third round so I had to take my foot off the gas and use my head to win rounds. Hitting [Valuev] was like hitting a brick wall, his head is the hardest thing I've ever hit. I'm pretty sure I've broken my hand. Tonight I'm going to party all night!" And having accomplished his dream, who can blame him? Thanks for all your emails. Best, Sean
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